Dinopool
by charlienick
Summary: Deadpool wants to join the Power Rangers. But, does he have the Chimichangas to do it?


Wade Wilson slashed one of his attackers in half with his katanas. Blood poured on the pavement as the body separated and collapsed in two. He screamed like a little girl as another hooded attacker came at him.

"What? That's bullshit!" he exclaimed. "I didn't scream like a girl! You're on thin ice, writer!"

He turned and stuck his blade through the attacker's chest. Blood split on his red suit. "Talk about a chest ache! Ha! Lame joke!" He attempted to pull his katana out of the man's chest, but it was stuck. "What the…" He grunted. "Fuck!" He placed one foot on the corpse's chest as another attacker ran his sword through his chest. "Really? You had to do that? You couldn't just politely wait until I…" Grunted. "Pulled…" Grunted. "This motherfucking…"Grunted. "Sword out?" With one more grunt, Wade pulled his sword out and stabbed the other one behind with it. "You know what? Fuck this!" He put his katanas away, and pulled his revolver out. "Unlike in the movie, I have enough bullets… Or I'm pretty sure I think I do." The attackers hesitated. Wade aimed his gun at them and shot all of them dead because he's the best!

Wade turned his head. "I said the last part about being the best. What? Oh! You were expecting a final dragged out battle? Nah, fuck that! Small battles in the beginning of stories has been done too many times. Let's skip ahead right after…"

So, Wade, A.K.A Deadpool put his gun away and took a deep breath. "WOO! I could go for some fuckin' Chimichangas right about now." He pulled the sword out of his chest. Blood spilled on the ground. He looked at the dead bodies on the ground. "I'm sure somebody will clean that up." He turned and began walking. He came up to a building that had green lapboard siding on the lower half. There was a sign up on the brick wall that read: Hayley's Cyber Space. The logo was also on the canopy that lead to the entrance.

As he turned the corner, he saw a third sign on the ground leaning against the potted plant. "They could put more signs up. Cool name though. Let's see if they have Chimichangas," He looked at the arch window. "Looks like plasterboard." He examined it closely. "Oh, now, I see, the whole thing is separate from the building."

Going under the canopy, he opened the door and stepped in. There was another door somewhere. "OK?... What's with the vague writing?" He opened it and stepped in. "There, no more damn doors!"

There were people playing arcade games and sitting down, eating and talking to each other.

"Oh, I get it, Cyber Café… because it's a restaurant and an arcade! Ha! I really do like the name." He walked up to the worker.

"Welcome to Hayley's Cyber Space; may I take your order?"

"Two Chimichangas," Deadpool requested, laying his Hello Kitty wallet down on the counter. "Wait, was I calling it Cyber Café?"

"If you were, it's an easy mistake. Now, that'll be $5.95," the redheaded cashier said. "What's with the suit?"

"My face is fucked up." Deadpool opened his wallet and dug. "Uh, hold on…" He searched but couldn't find anything, not even a penny. "I must've forgotten to put everything back after I washed my wallet," he said then whispered, "From the blood." Then returned to his normal voice. "How about a crisp high-five instead."

"Get out," she said, pointing to the door. "and wash that mouth out."

"Fine, but I'll be back with money."

"OK… Well… Come back with money and a clean mouth then I'll be happy to take your order." She smiled.

"Oh, I will. I'll come back with bags and bags of money!" Deadpool said and left. "I saved the town… or someone from… thieves? Gangsters? Rapists? Were they important to the plot?... Anyway, I should get free Chimichangas!"

Suddenly, screaming nearby echoed. "What?" Deadpool said. "Something to further the plot?" He followed.

* * *

Five minutes later, he turned and rushed to the park. He saw what looked to be a blue ape chasing citizens. "What in the actual ass? Am I high?"

"I'm going bananas!" the ape monster spoke and threw bananas at people.

"'You gotta be shitting with me." One landed near Deadpool and exploded. Deadpool was sent backwards.

A couple minutes later, he felt something touch his shoulder.

"OK, baby, I'll make you pancakes in a minute." He felt it again. "Just a minute." He opened his eyes and saw the yellow Power Ranger. "What the… Crossover?"

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm OK, I just have a headache. But, it's nothing like a couple Tylenol and a bottle of booze can't fix." He looked around. "Was there a big, blue monkey throwing bananas or did somebody roofie me?"

"Yes. There was but we destroyed it," she replied, taken aback from his question. "Who are you?"

He stood up. "Deadpool. What about you, gorgeous? And how in the hell am I not blown to pieces?"

"I'm the yellow Power Ranger. And you were just lucky I guess."

"Power Ranger? I vaguely remember watching a show about colorful costumes and goofy monster things."

"Huh?"

"They looked like they came from a Japanese show or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's say we ditch the scene and get some Chimichangas and beer… or wine… or Pina Coladas. You like Pina Coladas? I do. I know they call them girly drinks but I don't give a fuck."

She took her helmet off. "No, thanks, I'm too young."

"Fuck, you're a teenager? I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I suck at guessing age based on voice in helmet… Hey! I know a couple of teenage superheroes myself! I bet you'd get along great, kicking monster ass, going to school together, lying to adults about your superpowers, drinking, smoking, but no sex… unless you use condoms-"

"Uh, no, we don't do the last couple things that you said."

"Right, I got you." Deadpool winked with his mask. "But, you lie about your superpowers, don't you?"

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Deadpool…"

"Wait, I could help fuck up monsters and shit with you."

"Um, I don't know…"

"Please, killing normal bad guys and fucked-up mutants all the time gets boring and tiresome. I'd like to change my life, go on awesome adventures, kick monster ass, and maybe get my GED. Stay in school." He pointed at her.

"OK, I'll talk to Dr. Oliver."

"Who's he? Never mind, I'm sure I'll find out. Hey, is your franchise for children? That goofy-ass monster looks like a guy in a crappy rubber costume."

"What are you talking about?"

Deadpool laughed. "I see we're gonna be BFFs!"

Kira said nothing.

"Hey, why did you take your helmet off? I thought you couldn't reveal your secret identity. Is it because I wear a costume too? You know, looking at you again, I'm not sure if you're under eighteen."

The red and blue Rangers rushed over.

"Who are you? Are you a Ranger?" Conner asked in his red Ranger suit.

"He looks like he came out of a comic book. But I don't remember reading anything about him," Ethan replied, putting his hands on his blue-helmeted chin.

"Ha, you're a nerd, aren't you? I bet you're on the computer all the time and get picked on by bullies!"

Ethan said nothing. He knew responding back would make that idiot taunt him more.

"THIN… ICE!" Deadpool yelled, looking at nothing.

"What?" Ethan asked.

He hesitated and looked back at Ethan. "Oh, I'm just fucking with you. I bet you watch lots of porn and masturbate." He put his hand by his mouth and whispered, "Don't worry, I do it too."

"OK, then," Ethan replied, feeling awkward.

"I'm sorry, but I won't talk to Dr. O," Kira stated.

"Huh?"

"You're weird and creepy."

"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say!" Deadpool exclaimed.

"Mind filling us in?" Ethan asked.

"He said he wants to join our team… I'm as lost as you are. I think the bomb blew up by him. He was unconscious when I found him—not that unconscious; he was talking in his sleep… I woke him up and he keeps taking about… stuff and asking me weird questions," she replied.

"Hey, I'm right here!" Deadpool exclaimed.

"Oh. Sorry," Kira replied.

"Please give me one chance. I'll change," Deadpool begged.

"I think we should give him a chance," Connor said.

"But, he's…"

"What? I'm what?" Deadpool shot back.

"Nothing," she sighed. "OK, I'll give him a chance."

"Awesome!" he exclaimed and looked at Connor and Ethan. "I'm Deadpool by the way. I just thought you should know my name first before you take me to your mentor I'm guessing?"

"I'm Connor."

"Ethan. Are you a superhero?"

"Nice to meet you. Ha, superhero! You're funny, blue guy! I see you're not too secretive in concealing your identities. Yellow chick even showed me her face. Maybe it's 'cause I'm in spandex too? I could have paid attention to the narrative to learn your names, but what's the fun in that?"

"Well, yeah, you asked us to tell you our names before taking you to- Wait, narrative? Huh?" Connor said, puzzled.

"What's he talking about?" Ethan asked.

* * *

"Is your leader a nature guy or some shit?" Deadpool asked, getting out of Connor's car.

"No," Ethan replied as the four walked towards the house.

"So, he just lives out in the middle of the woods?" Deadpool asked as they stepped up to the patio.

"Yep," Connor replied, opened the door, and stepped in.

"I assume you're cool with your leader or you wouldn't have barged in."

"Of course, we're cool with Dr. O," Ethan said, matter-of-factly.

Kira went to the little plastic skeleton of the T-rex on a table and pulled the lower jaw down and something opened.

"Wow! Cool secret entrance!" Deadpool stepped down in the basement. "I feel like the way the writer was vague about what opened didn't show it in the show."

Kira ignored his comment as the Rangers and Deadpool stepped down.

"Cool looking basement!" Deadpool exclaimed and looked around. "I know I said 'cool secret entrance' a minute ago, but, fuck it. This is cool!"

"Thanks, it's my teacher's."

"What the fuck? Who is he? Batman?"

"No, and he's sitting right there." She pointed to the chair in front of the huge screen.

"OH! Awkward!"

"Um, Dr. O? We brought someone," Kira said.

He turned around. "Uh, hi?" the black Power Ranger said, fully in suit.

"Not very friendly, are ya?" Deadpool replied.

"Sorry, who are you?"

"I'm your friendly neighborhood Deadpool… doesn't slip out the tongue as well…"

"Nice to meet you, Deadpool."

"Hold on, your teacher is a Power Ranger? Are you black? You don't sound black?"

"No, I'm not."

"You sound familiar… wait, are you that Ranger who had that sort of mullet and turned evil?"

"Uh…"

"Fuck it, it will come back to me… How can you afford all this shit if you're a middle school teacher?"

"I teach high school, and you have a filthy mouth," the black Ranger said.

"Teenagers cuss all the time," he said and looked at Kira. "Right?"

"I don't cuss."

"Gotcha, you don't drink, do drugs, have sex, or swear like a motherfucker."

"No, I'm a good student. I work hard, study, and get good grades."

"Well, that's fantastic," Deadpool patted her head and walked to Tommy. "Can I see your face? I'll show you mine."

"Unfortunately, I can't demorph. I'm stuck in this suit," Tommy said.

"What? That's bullshit! Are you telling me you're stuck in that costume?"

"Yes."

"Come on, let me try."

"That won't be necessary."

"I insist," Deadpool said and grabbed Tommy's head. He looked for a hinge but found nothing. "Lemme try pulling it." Without Tommy's permission, he started tugging on the helmet but it wouldn't budge. "Come… on… you… bitch!" He continued tugging. After a couple more tugs, he stopped and said, "Well, I just gotta use my swords." He reached for them…

"NO!" Tommy and the other Rangers shouted. Deadpool stopped.

"That won't be necessary. I'm sure we'll find another way I can demorph."

"OK. Suit yourself. Get it? 'Suit' yourself?" But, if you want that helmet off…" Deadpool made a striking motion with his sword like a crazy person before putting it away.

"Fuck you, I'm not crazy!"

"What?" Tommy said.

"I hear voices in my head. They tell me to kill!" Deadpool joked.

"OK… Well, we might be able to help you with that…"

"I'm joking." He laughed. "I'm not really crazy! Just a teenie tiny bit off."

"I'll say," Kira murmured.

"Hey, I heard that!" Deadpool exclaimed.

"You said you wanna join our team?" Tommy asked.

"Yes," Deadpool replied hopefully.

"Why? You've acted intolerably. You almost cut my head off, intimidated Kira, and cussed."

"I'll behave, I swear…. Not literally swear… oh! You know what I mean!"

"I don't know…"

"OK," Deadpool said, putting his head down. "I know when I'm not wanted." He turned towards the stairs. "I'll go." He began walking.

Tommy sighed. "Wait!"

Deadpool stopped.

"One chance…"

"What?!" Connor, Ethan, and Kira blurted out.

"I'll give you one chance to prove you are worthy."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" Deadpool exclaimed and hugged him.

Tommy sighed and murmured, "I hope I' won't regret this."

Deadpool sniffed his helmet. "You won't… you won't." He began rubbing the helmet when he saw the other Rangers looking at him and let go of Tommy. He cleared his throat. "So, if you're a Power Ranger, why didn't you help Miss Yellow when she was fighting that goofy monkey thing?"

"My name's Kira."

"Quiet, Miss Attitude! The adults are talking."

Kira made a frustrated grunt.

"I thought I saw another Zord egg and wanted to check it out," Tommy replied.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Looking annoyed by his cussing, Tommy said, "I'll explain that later… maybe. Right now, you must prove your loyalty… and I don't even know your real name."

"How can you tell that he looks annoyed; he's wearing a helmet," Deadpool pointed out, looking at no one.

"The voices in your head talking to you again?" Kira asked, half-joking.

Before Deadpool could reply, the alarm went off.

"Again?" Connor groaned.

"We just destroyed that freak," Kira said.

"That's crappy timing; I was going to tell you my life story. Oh, well, I-" Deadpool looked at the screen and gasped. "Wait! Is that-"

"Come on, Deadpool, Elsa is attacking the city!" Tommy exclaimed and ran out with the other Rangers.

"OK, I'm coming! Wait. That came out wrong…. Or did it?"

The Rangers left Tommy's house with Deadpool and dashed into the woods.

"So, we're running all the fucking way to the bad guys? Can't you teleport or something? Or use that jeep parked in your driveway? Or ride on dinosaur-themed motorcycles? I noticed you have footprints on your suits and your helmets resemble dinosaur heads or some shit so I assume you have dinosaur-themed stuff," Deadpool said and added, "You know by the time we get there, the bad guys will have destroyed the city, right?"

The Rangers ignored his stupid questions.

"Not listening to you! LALALALA!"

* * *

"There she is!" Connor exclaimed pointing as the Rangers and Deadpool ran to a building.

"Thank fucking God!" Deadpool exclaimed panting. The five of them stopped in front of Elsa.

"Alright, Elsa, what are you doing here?" Connor demanded, pointing at her again.

"Hold on…" Deadpool panted. "Exhausted…" Panted. "Running for several miles." He laid down on the pavement between the Rangers and the bad guys.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Connor demanded.

Elsa looked confused.

"Hey, get up!" Tommy exclaimed.

"In a minute… by the way, where the fuck are we? It looks like New Zealand," Deadpool replied, relaxing with his hands under his head.

"Quit messing around, Deadpool. We have a battle to fight!" Kira snapped.

"How in the hell are you not out of breath?... especially in those helmets?"

"Deadpool! Get your butt up, NOW!" Connor shouted.

"Alright, alright, I'm up." He slowly stood up and looked at Elsa. "No, that's not Negasonic Teenage Warhead."

"Excuse me?" Elsa said.

"I thought you were one of my friends from my universe, but you're too old."

"What? Who are you?"

"I'm Deadpool. What's up with your hair? It looks plastic… And do you have a zipper running down your mouth?"

"You have a mouth on you."

"Yeah, I've been told that many times. Thanks for letting me rest a minute there. Who are your monster friends there? Your sex slaves?"

Elsa grimaced.

"Uh… let's just kick her butt," Connor said.

Tommy just looked at Deadpool.

"What?"

"Enough talking… ATTACK!" Elsa yelled and charged at the Rangers.

"What was that look?" Deadpool asked as Tommy punched a Tyrannodrone. "I can't tell what you're thinking through your big, black helmet. I'm not Xavier, you know?"

"Just fight, OK?" Kira said. She punched a Tyrannodrone. Another came behind and knocked her down. She got back up, and punched the foot soldier down.

"Connor, need a hand?" Tommy asked.

"Of course, Dr. O," he replied and placed his foot in Tommy's hand. "Ready?"

"Ready!" Tommy jerked his hands up simultaneously as Connor jumped.

"Going up!" Connor exclaimed and punched a Tyrannodrone in midair.

Kira kicked a Tyrannodrone down and another Tyrannodrone hit her. She extended her foot out and tripped it, causing the dinosaur hybrid to fall. "Oh, did I do that? I'm sorry," she said sarcastically.

Another hit Connor in his chest. Connor grabbed its arm and flipped it onto the ground then kicked another one. Ethan punched them left and right. A Tyrannodrone kicked his chest and he stumbled back.

"Ethan, need a hand?" Kira asked.

"Double punch!" They punched it down together.

"Really? Double punch?" Deadpool said.

"Deadpool, don't just stand there. Fight!" Ethan exclaimed and a Tyrannodrone slapped him down.

* * *

Cassidy and Devin came out of the mall.

"I can't wait to wear my new blouse to school tomorrow!" Cassidy exclaimed.

"Yeah, good thing I had an extra fifty bucks to bail you out," Devin said, carrying her bags.

"Yeah, I appreciate it, Devin."

"When did you say you'll pay me back-"

"Look, Devin, the Power Rangers are fighting over there!" she interrupted, pointing to them.

He looked. "I see! That's cool, about my money-"

She looked closely and noticed someone else. "Hey, who's that?"

"That's the blue Ranger. He helps the other Rangers fight monsters and protect the city. I thought you knew that. Did you bump your head?"

"No., Devin, I'm pointing to the red guy."

"The Red Ranger?"

"No, the _other _red guy."

Devin looked again. "Oh! I don't know then."

"Come on, let's get closer and get this on film."

"Alright." He pulled his cam-recorder out of his backpack.

"Hurry, Devin, we're missing the fight!" Cassidy urged, running towards the battle.

"I'm hurrying as fast as I can," he replied, running and setting up his cam-recorder.

"Don't forget to push record this time."

"Right, pushing record now." He leaned over, tapped it without hesitation, and gave her a thumbs up.

"Cassidy Cornell here; I'm at the battlefield, watching a monster fight with the Power Rangers. Also, what appears to be a new Ranger is with them. Is he friend or foe? We'll find out."

* * *

"Alright!" Deadpool exclaimed and ran to the villains. "Hey, you ugly monster things, prepare to be fucked up!" he pulled his katanas out and stabbed a Tyrannodrone.

"HEY!" Tommy shouted.

"What?" Deadpool said, turning around.

"Not cool, we don't stab!" Kira exclaimed.

"But you said you killed that monster."

"Yeah, but we combined our weapons and blew it up."

"So? There's no difference between what you did and what I'm doing."

"I know."

"So, let me fuck up Terananadrones, or whatever they wrote."

"Fine."

"And watch that attitude, Missy!"

Kira ignored the buffoon.

"Hey, watch it!" Deadpool exclaimed, looking at nobody again.

"Whatever," Kira muttered, obliviously fed up by his craziness.

"Deadpool, focus," Ethan said.

"Comic book geek spoke up!"

"Yeah, and your point is…?"

"YOU'RE INSANE!" Elsa yelled and pointed her sword at Deadpool.

"Oh, shit, looks like I drove you too far. You don't like the stabby-stabby, do you?"

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Elsa screamed.

Suddenly, an Invisaportal opened and the Tyranadrones were sucked up with her.

"Cool, I wish I had access to a portal," Deadpool said and put his Katanas away. "I think I've done my job here. Chimichangas on me! Wait! I gotta find my money first!"

"You're off the team," Tommy declared.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Why? I killed those Bananadrones… well, technically, I stabbed one, but-"

"Yes, but you didn't use teamwork you made jokes instead of helping us fight. It wasn't until later that you decided to fight with us and even with that you did your own thing. Teamwork is most important. In battle. Plus, you've been disrespectful to us and I don't exactly like the words you use."

"What? No, I haven't been disrespectful in any way and what's with my cussing?"

"We don't use that sort of language on our team."

"Yeah, and by the way, you called me a nerd," Ethan said. "And a geek."

"So? I'm a nerd too, I can name all the Marvel and DC characters alphabetically starting with A-Bomb… Aw, fuck, I forgot 8 Ball."

"Plus, you've been really weird and creepy to me," Kira added.

"I know, you've told me that before."

"My statement still stands."

"What about you, Red Guy?"

"My name is Connor… and I'm siding with them."

"OK, I'll leave," Deadpool said softly and put his head down. He turned around. "I'm slowly walking off into the sunset… all sad."

"Uh, it's daytime," Kira corrected him.

"I guess I deserve to be corrected by your snotty attitude," he replied.

Kira looked like she was about to say something but sighed instead.

"Oh, hello again, Deadpool here. I'm at the school where the Rangers go. I got hammered and cried myself to sleep last night. It wasn't a pretty sight, curled up in a ball, wearing only my Power Ranger shirt that's too small for me… wanting to kill myself." He sighed. "But, now I'm just peachy and ready to join those Goody-Goody Gumdrop Rangers!"

Deadpool walked to the first room, peeked in, and saw Kira alone sitting in her desk. "Well, that was lucky. Almost as though the writer wanted to move the story along quick." He opened the door.

Kira looked up and gasped. ""What?! Deadpool, you're not supposed to be in here? How did you find where I go to school?"

"I watched your season."

"I don't know what that means, but I don't care; what do you want?"

"Please, give me another chance. I'll change, I swear!"

"No."

"Pretty please."

"No!"

"I'll be your best friend."

"Leave or I will use my superpower on you," Kira warned.

"Superpowers? I thought you just used karate and your Ptera whatevers to kick monster ass."

"No, I have a superpower but you won't like it."

"You didn't use any abnormal powers when you fought those henchmen. You're bluffing!"  
"Try me." She stared menacingly into his eyes.

"FINE! But I will be back, little Missy!"

"No, don't come back!"

"Yes!"

"Please no," she moaned.

Deadpool left the room. Kira took a deep breath to try to feel better.

Suddenly, Deadpool poked his head back in. "Yes."

Kira put her head down on the desk and groaned.

"Why do you want to be in our team so bad?" Tommy asked back in the Command Center with the other Rangers.

"I had a child. I loved her. I played Barbies with her, took her shopping, baked cupcakes with her, dropped her off at school… She was my everything," Deadpool replied then sighed. "Then, one day, a cyborg from the future broke into my house and…" He paused to gather his emotions. "slaughtered him in front of my own eyes. I promised myself to fight and protect the citizens of this beautiful world."

"I'm deeply sorry for your loss," Tommy replied.

"So you'll give me one more chance?"

"Sorry, but no."

"Please, I've got nothing to live for!"

"No, you're irresponsible I cannot let something happen in battle. Plus, you keep asking Kira to do wrong things."

"Like what?"

"You know."

"She's a teenager. She's supposed to misbehave and do drugs and shit," Deadpool said.

"Listen, I do not do drugs."

"Gotcha," Deadpool said and whispered her ear, "I have an assload of Coke and other shit back at my house. I'll text you the address later."

"No! Get this through your thick skull: I do not do drugs!"

"Please leave," Tommy replied.

"OK, I'll go," he said then looked at the carved-in wall. "Hey! Is that wall a secret door? I just noticed this place has two entry ways. Can I leave through the secret door?"

"I don't care. Just go," Kira said.

"Fine! Cranky!" he exclaimed and walked a few steps towards the door. "How do I open this door? Is it automatic like in every mall, hospital, bank…?"

"Yes, just go please."

"I have one more question…"

Kira opened her mouth and let out an ultra-loud screech, knocking Deadpool over.

"Shit! Is that your superpower?" he asked as he slowly got back up.

"Leave or I'll do it again and again and again-"

"KIRA!" Tommy shouted then looked at Deadpool. "Please leave."

"OK, I'll go now! You watch that temper, young Missy!" Deadpool said and left.

"I can't believe we finally got the Rangers on tape! I'm going to be so rich!" Cassidy gushed, wearing her light pink news jacket.

"I'm happy for you Cass; maybe you could possibly share your money with me?"

"We'll talk."

"Alright," he said, smiling, but looking kind of doubtful.

As they were walking towards then News station, someone bumped into Devin, knocking the tape from his hand. "Oh, no!" He fumbled for it but couldn't quite reach and the tape flew in the middle of the street.

"Get it, Devin!" Cassidy exclaimed.

"Uh…" He hesitated even though they were right by a Stop sign. Then, before Devin could move, a truck sped down the street and ran it over.

"NO!" Cassidy yelled.

"I'm so sorry, Cass. At least nobody was hurt, right?" Devin said and gave her a reluctant pat on her shoulder as she stared in disbelief at the pieces of tape laying in the street.

Deadpool left Tommy's house and closed began walking towards the trees…

Because he lives in the middle of the fucking woods!

"I haven't been this upset since that bitch roofied me and stole my man juice… OK, why aren't I censored? This is a kids' franchise, right? Aw, fuck it! Who fucking cares? I'm going to (BLEEP). Anyway, I gotta come up with a Christmas Day plan to convince those colorful spandex-wearing mother(BLEEPers) to-" he paused. "wait a (BLEEPing) moment? Oh, now, I'm (BLEEPing) censored? That's just (BLEEPing) great! (BLEEP) you, Power Rangers! This is gonna get old real (BLEEPing) fast! That's it! I'm stealing Tommy Boy's car! That's right I figured out who the black Ranger is! " He went around the house and saw it parked in the driveway.

"And, it's a black Jeep because he's the black Ranger. How fitting!" He came closer and suddenly stopped. "Wait, do I really want to do this? On one hand, I wouldn't have to walk all the way through the woods. On the other hand, I could go to jail and become someone' H- Ha, I didn't get censored! Take that, Power Rangers! Aw, (BLEEP) it, I'm stealing the car!" he hopped in.

Since, hotwiring takes so long I'll skip ahead...

A lot of cussing and a couple cries later, he connected the wires and the engine started. "Hey! I didn't cry!" he exclaimed and cleared his throat. "Do not do this at home, children who are reading this and have bad parents who let them read anything." He put it in drive and drove off. "I've never broken any laws before… except doing (BLEEP)… Oh, come on, (BLEEP) is censored too? Fine! That white stuff- and I'm not talking about snow." He took a deep breath. "I wonder how that evil Goth chick is doing?"

At Mesogog's fortress, Elsa was rocking back and forth on the floor of his laboratory, singing to herself.

Zeltrax came in. "Elsa, what are you doing?"

"There's a light in the distance. See them coming closer…"

"What happened?"

"The red man killed my monster."

"Who? The red Ranger?"

"No, the other red man. He went stabby on him."

Mesogog came in. "What's going on?"

"She was like this when I came in. She mentioned something about a 'red man'," Zeltrax replied.

"I wasn't watching the fight; I was preoccupied. Maybe we should invest our time on finding this Red Man."

The alarm sounded. Mesogog looked at the screen and saw Deadpool.

"Well, that was easy. Zeltrax, I want you to go down there and capture him."

"'Yes, my lord," he replied and was sucked up by the portal.

Deadpool was speeding down the road.

"I got no idea where I'm going. Or have a plan to join those Power Rangers. I probably (BLEEP)ed that up by stealing this car… I just tell them I'm deathly allergic to the woods. No! That sounds stupid! Oh, well, I'll deal with it when it happens. Now, let's see what's on the radio." He pushed the knob and turned the volume up but no sound came out. "Huh? It doesn't work? Cheap-butt show! Well, fortunately, I brought my MP3 Player."

He started digging in his pocket when a portal opened in the sky and Zeltrax dropped down.

"What the (bleep)?" Deadpool blurted out and slammed the breaks down. The jeep stopped right in front of Zeltrax. "Who the (bleep) are you?"

"I'm Zeltrax. Prepare for your demise!"

"Your name sounds like some sort of medicine; headache relief… snot thinner… that sounds gross… [bleep] dysfunction… oh, come on, that one was funny! Ha! Come!"

"Enough talking already! You must be the 'red man' that Elsa was talking about."

"Is she the one with the zipper on her chin?"

"That's none of your business. I'm here to take you down!"

"Aw, (BLEEP), I should've ran you over. "He turned his head (at the audience.) "I should've." He opened the door and got out.

"But you didn't, did you?"

"Nope… oh, well, I'm just gonna have to kill you the old-fashioned way," he said, walking to Zeltrax. He pulled his swords out and charged at him. He slung them at Zeltrax. Zeltrax blocked his attacks with his shield. "What happened to your face? I can't tell where your eyes are. Do you have a mouth?... is that a helmet? My mouth was sown shut once, but we don't talk about that." He looked at (the audience.) "Do we?"

"This happened because of Tommy Oliver."

"Looks like you, have a beef with Ol' Tommy Boy. What did you do to (BLEEP) him off and turn you into… that? Cut his cute mullet off?"

"None of your business!"

"Why don't you call your henchmen to help fight me?" he asked and realized something was off. "Wait, hold on, Tommy? Like the green Ranger?"

"I don't know what youre talking about by green Ranger. Anyway, I don't need any Tyrannodrones to defeat you!"

"You're over confident, huh?" Deadpool said. "Like every ugly mother[BLEEP] I've killed!" The scene paused.

Wait—Wait, you're probably wondering why I didn't just join him and defeat those Goody Goody two shoed Rangers. Well, I just like to [BLEEP] up bad guys.

The scene resumed. Deadpool slung his swords at Zeltrax. Zeltrax leapt back and shot lasers out of his eyes, hitting Deadpool. Deadpool fell to the ground.

"Wasn't expecting that. Friggin' lasers shooting out of that… beautiful face of yours. What the [BLEEP] are you?" He got up and charged at Zeltrax. He was about to strike when Zeltrax jumped and kicked him. Deadpool slashed him with his cantata. Sparks flew. "Touché," Deadpool said, dropped one of his cantatas, and put his free arm behind his back. He moved his arm, waving his sword around. "Enguard!" He jumped a little and slid towards Zeltrax as his katana came close to Zeltrax's face. Zeltrax knocked it away and blocked every strike while their swords clashed and clanged together. Taking the chance, Deadpool poked Zeltrax's chest with his sword. "Point… or whatever they say in fencing!" he laughed like a Frenchman. "Your moves are quick, but your heart isn't in the right place."

"Enough of this!" Zeltrax leapt over and kicked Deadpool down. Before Deadpool could react, Zeltrax grabbed his arm and yanked him back up. "I'm taking to my master, Mesogog. He'll know what to do with you!"

"Real original plan; wake me up after I'm probed or whatever."

Zeltrax jerked Deadpool's arm as a portal in the sky opened. Zeltrax was sucked up, holding Deadpool.

The portal opened in Mesogog's lab and instantly spat out Deadpool and Zeltrax.

While still in Zeltrax's grip, Deadpool looked around. "'Nice place your leader has here; it screams mad scientist … I figured your boss is a mad scientist because of all the jars."

"You best be quiet," Zeltrax warned, pulling him.

"Why? Are you gonna have my mouth sown shut? Ha! Double reference… you know, from Wolfy's movie and mine."

Zeltrax said nothing and lifted him up in the chair and started strapping him down.

"Yeah, it's OK, I'm used to creepy guys kidnapping me and tying me down to chairs."

"I'll warn you again; be quiet!" Zeltrax exclaimed.

"Yeah, I don't have an off button, so you're stuck with my beautiful voice… By the way, if you're wondering why I don't fight back is because that would be too easy. Whip out my katanas and- Wait! Did I drop my katanas when you knocked me down?" He turned his head and through the corner of his eye, he saw no swords sticking up behind his back. "MOTHERTUCKER! It's Prom Night all over! Wait! What about my gun?"

"You have a gun?"

"Yeah, it's up my A S S. Why don'tcha get it?"

The door slid open and Mesagog stepped in "Hello, who do we have here?"

"I thought my face was fucked up, but you look like a dinosaur fucked your mom… Wait, I didn't get censored?"

"I see we have a comedian in here."

"Thank you. I've had lot of practice…my name is Deadpool. HEY! Are you fully dinosaur or is it just your head and claws that are?"

"I suggest you be quiet now."

"Why? Are you gonna experiment on me? Turn me into a monster? Well, you can't do anything worse to me,' cause I've already been turn into an ugly motherfucking mutant."

"What?"

"I see I've caught your attention. Yes, I was turned into a mutant by another mad scientist. I killed him, but I think you two'd have gotten along swimmingly."

"Mutant? Do you have special abilities?"

"You'll have to go on our third date before I tell you."

"You're not making this easy for yourself."

"Yeah, I've been told that once or twice, especially when I had that gerbil stuck up my-"

"SILIENCE!" Mesagog commanded through his soft voice.

"OK, I'll zip it—HEY! Whats with that zipper on that goth chick's chin?"

"You don't know when to quit do you?"

"No I do not," Deadpool said and laughed.

"I should just destroy you now, but you will be useful in my experiments."

"Did I not just ask you if you were going to experiment on me a couple minutes ago?"

Tommy was in the command center, looking at a blueprint for a new weapon combination on his computer.

"I'd better let Hayley work on this," he said, reaching for the keyboard.

Suddenly, the screen went static.

"What?" Tommy blurted out. "What did I do?"  
Mesogog appeared on the screen.

"Mesogog?"Ethan blurted out.

"How did he get on my screen?" Tommy asked.

"Hello, Rangers, it's a pleasure to see you again. I have someone here you may know."

"Oh, no," Kira groaned.

Mesogog stepped aside, revealing Deadpool tied to the chair. "If you want to save your friend, I suggest you hand over your Dino Gems."

"Dino Gems? What the fuck?"

Mesogog looked at Deadpool. "Silence!" He looked back at the Rangers on his screen. "You have one hour to give me your Dino Gems or he will go swimming in the ocean."

"Wait, I thought you were going to experiment on me."

"Did I say you could talk?"

"We will give you our gems. Just don't harm him," Tommy replied.

"What?!" Connor and Ethan gasped.

"Do we have to save him?" Kira groaned.

"Hey, I heard that!" Deadpool exclaimed and the transmission cut off.

"Yes, although we have our differences, he fights for good," Tommy replied then added, "In a way."

"But, he's so annoying!" Kira exclaimed.

"I know, he gets on your nerves. I'm not too found of him neither, but it's our moral obligation to serve and protect."

"You're right, let's go save him."

"Are we really gonna give our Dino Gems up?" Ethan asked.

The Rangers drove their Dinocycles to the beach.

"It should be here somewhere," Tommy said, looking around.

The portal opened above the sand dune.

"There it is!" Kira exclaimed and revved her yellow Dinocycle.

The four Rangers drove into the portal.

"So, Mesie, what kind of experiments do you do?" Deadpool asked.

"Gene splicing."

"Ah… that sounds cool."

The alarm went off. "That must be your new friends," Mesogog deduced.

"They came! Oh, I knew I left a special place in their hearts," Deadpool wept.

The white Ranger came in. "The Power Rangers are here."

"No, shit Sherlock," Deadpool replied.

"I must tend to our new guests. Wait here, I have a feeling they will be brought in shortly," Mesogog said.

"Who the fuck is he? You have an evil Power Ranger?... why does that sound familiar?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Mesagog said and left.

Deadpool looked at the white Ranger. "How's it going? I like your master. He's a cutie!"

"I don't know who you are, but I don't care."

"Well, aren't you rude?!"

He laughed. "Thanks. Any minute now, the Rangers will be dragged through that door by our crew."

"Uh-huh, and Dino Face drains their energy while I helplessly watch. Why are you bad guys always so confident?"

Zeltrax rushed in, his hand on his chest as his breathed heavily. "The Rangers tricked us. They had fake Dino Gems made out of chocolate! We need backup. Come here, NOW!"

"Alright, I'm coming." The white Ranger left with the cyborg.

"Well, this is… special. All tied up and alone in a creepy laboratory," Deadpool said and started singing, "I'm all alone. 'There's no one here beside me." He paused as fighting could be heard in the background. "My problems have all gone; there's no one here to derive me!" He stopped singing. "Ha, Donkey!"

Kira went in Mesogog's lab and saw Deadpool.

"You came for me?" Deadpool asked.

"Yes," she sighed.

"I knew you liked me!"

"Don't push it," she replied and unbuckled the straps.

"I'm so overcome with emotions! I need a hug right now," he said, choking up.

"This isn't the time."

"Come on, give your best friend Deadpool a big old hug!" He spread his arm out in preparation for a hug.

"Quit messing around!"

"You know you want to."

"Come on, Mesogog's goons are going to get us if we stay here any longer!"

"Good job, you've found Deadpool!" Tommy exclaimed running in the lab.

"At least one person is happy to see me," Deadpool said ungratefully.

"Come on, let's go!" Kira grabbed Deadpool's hand and ran towards the hall.

"Where are you going? The portal button is in this room," Tommy said.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." She turned around and rushed to the control panel.

"Have you been here before?" Deadpool asked.

"Yes, a couple times unfortunately," Kira replied.

"And you forgot? Seems like such an important thing not to forget."

"Hey, it's been an exhausting day fighting Mesogog's freaks and putting up with your… stuff!"

"Well, excuse me for having a sense of humor, Miss Yellow!" He jerked his hand out of her grasp.

"My name is Kira, maybe you should write it on your hand or something."

"FINE! I will… do you have a pen?"

Kira groaned. "No. does it look like a pen?"

"I just asked! No need tio get snotty with me!"

Kira groaned once again.

"I forgive you because we're friends," he said and signed out BFF in the air.

"Look, Deadpool, we will never be friends."

"But yiou risked your life to save me."

"I saved you because I had to."

"You weren't doing it out of the kindness of your heart?"

"Um, well…"

"Oh, I see how it is. I opened myself up to you and you reject my kindness and friendship! I might as well lay down right here and die!"

The scene paused.

Oh, yeah, I can't die, but they don't know that!

The scene resumed

"Please don't do that," Kira begged the baby.

"Baby? That's it!" he exclaimed and laid down on the floor.

"Hey, get up!"

"This isn't the time to argue!" Tommy exclaimed, bending down to get Deadpool up.

Kira looked in the hall and saw Tyrannodrones coming, for them. "Come on, get up!"

"No, I don't wanna!"

"Come on!" Tommy urged, looking at the Tyrannodrones.

"QUIT BEING A BABY AND GET UP NOW!" Kira yelled. She took her helmet off and screeched like from before. The vibration knocked the Tyrannodrones over.

Deadpool grunted, covering the sides of his mask, where his ears were. "Uh! It's like a pterodactyl fucked my ear!"

"And I will do it again if you don't get up NOW!'" she warned then looked at Tommy covering the sides of his helmet. "Oh, sorry, Dr. O, I should've warned you."

"It's alright. Glad I was wearing my helmet."

"That youre stuck in," Deadpool reminded him.

Ethan ran in. "Kira, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I had some trouble, but we're OK, _are_ we, Deadpool?"

"She screamed like a fucking pterodactyl in my ear, and threatened to do it again!"

"We'll talk later. Right now, we got to escape!" Tommy exclaimed.

Before anyone could say anything else, Tyrannodrones swarmed in and began attacking them. Tommy punched and kicked two down. Kira jumped and kicked a footsoldier, sending it flying backwards then bashing against the wall. Ethan and she kicked another down. Another Tyrannodrone threw a punch at Tommy, but he moved out of the way and it hit the control panel, causing it to spark. Ethan grabbed another and flipped it over. Deadpool dully kicked and punched Tyrannodrones.

"Where is Connor?" Kira asked.

Then, speak of the devil, the red Ranger ran in fighting Tyrannodrones and Zeltrax.

"Let's get out of this place," Tommy declared.

"Wait, this is the bad guy's lair, right?" Deadpool asked.

"Yeah, what's the point?"

"Why aren't we destroying it?"

"It's too early."

"What? "

"We can't destroy it now; it's too early."

"Are you waiting for the season finale?"

"Come on, let's go!"

"Plot holes," Deadpool murmured, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Nothing… I'm coming.'" He began making his way toward the hall. "I don't have my katanas on me so I can't kill monsters… easily."

"That's OK, we'll help," Ethan replied and flipped a Tyrannodrone over as he continued running towards the portal.

"I just noticed that thing's head kinda looks like a Triceratops," Deadpool said.

"Yeah, there dinosaur hybrids, part of an experiment gone wrong," Ethan replied and a Tyrannodrone kicked him down.

Deadpool punched the Tyrannodrone down then put his hand in front of Ethan.

"Thanks, Deadpool," Ethan said, grabbing his hand as Deadpool helped him up.

Deadpool jumped in the portal along with Ethan. They came out in the hall. "Wait! This is still the fucking fortress! I thought the portal led back outside… somewhere."

"No, there's another portal up ahead," Tommy replied, running.

"What kind of place is this?!" he exclaimed and saw _them. _"Wait, you have fucking cycles? Why didn't you use them instead of running all the fucking way downtown?!"

Tommy passed by Deadpool and got on his Dinocycle. "Hop on!"

"And that's another question you won't answer," Deadpool murmured under his breath as he jumped on the back. "But I forgive you, anyway." He put his arms around Tommy.

Tommy revved his cycle and zoomed in the portal. They came out ohat the beach. "We made it out." Tommy drove a few morre feet then stopped and hopped off with Deadpool.

"Thank you for saving me, Dr. O," Deadpool said and stroked his helmet.

"You're welcome."

Deadpool said nothing and continued passionately rubbing Tommy's helmet.

"I didn't notice your white, ghostly eyes. They're cute," Tommy said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He held his hand. "I'm sorry I treated you so wrong."

"Oh, it's OK."

"You're so cool, Deadpool."

"I know it, baby. Now, kiss me!"

"But, I can't. I'm stuck in this form."

"It's OK, I can fix that," he said and extended his hand out. Cartoon unicorns appeared floating over his hand. He waved them off with his free hand. They flew over to Tommy and lifted his helmet off, revealing his black, spiky hair.

"You did it! Yiou fixed my powers! Thank you so much!"

"No problem. My love fixed your morphing powers."

"Love can do amazing things."

"I know."

"Now, kiss me."

Tommy grabbed Deadpool's waist and kissed him through his mask. "Deadpool."

"Say my name again, baby."

"Deadpool."

"Oh, yeah, take it off!"

"Deadpool!"

He jerked back to reality and saw the Rangers in the sand, fighting Tyrannodrones. "Huh?"

"We're in the middle of a battle here. Quit daydreaming and help us!" Connor exclaimed and punched a Tyrannodrone.

"Was I talking in my daydream?"

"Yes," Connor replied as a Tyrannodrone kicked him.

"Oh, awkward!"

"DEADPOOL!"

"OH! Right." He looked around. "What happened to the bikes? Did the bad guys take them?"

"They just quit working," Tommy replied and kicked a Tyrannodrone down.

"So, they disappeared?"

"I'm a little preoccupied! Just help us fight!"

"Of course, use the 'you're too busy to explain' excuse," Deadpool replied.

"Tyranno Staff!" Connor exclaimed. He jammed his staff forward, whacking a Tyrannodrone down. "Now for the spin-cycle!" He slung his staff and knocked multiple Tyrannodrones over.

"I wish I had my swords now," Deadpool said and grabbed one of the monster and snapped its neck. It dropped on the ground.

Connor heard the snap of its vertebrae and jumped in disgust. He quickly recovered and knocked another Tyrannodrone over.

Kira slashed two Tyrannodrones with her Ptera Grips. She had her helmet back on.

Ethan did a one-hand stand and kicked one down. He flipped right-side up and punched another.

Connor held his staff on the ground and began swinging himself around sideways, kicking Tyrannodrones down.

"Cool move!" Deadpool exclaimed.

"Thanks," Connor replied.

"Can I barrow that?"

"My Tyranno Staff? No!"

"Come on. I'll be careful with it."

"You're doing fine; you don't need our weapons," Tommy replied and kicked a Tyrannodrone down.

"Yellow chick has two," Deadpool retorted.

"For the last time, my name is Kira."

"Whatever, Kara," Deadpool replied and looked at Connor. "Please, let me barrow your Tyranno-stick, Carter."

"No, and it's _Connor_, not Carter."

"Fine!" Deadpool snapped.

Ethan hit Tyrannodrones with his Tricera Shield. "And now for some circular motion!" he exclaimed and swung his shield in a big circle, taking more Tyrannodrones down. "Wanna fly?" He grabbed a Tyrannodrone and threw it.

"I thought you used teamwork and help each other kill monsters," Deadpool said.

"We do use teamwork," Tommy replied, striking a Tyrannodrone with his Brachio Staff.

"Then, let me barrow one of your weapons."  
"For the last time, NO!"

"Alright! I can take a hint! No need to yell!"

"Time to combine our weapons!" Connor announced and the sky turned black. Kira closed something on her Ptera grips. Connor slapped his Tyranno Staff on the top of Ethan's Tricera Shield.

"Z-Rex blaster, ready! Fire!" the three Rangers yelled. A white light in the form of a dinosaur shot out and at the last second, turned into a little ball of light before hitting the monsters. The Rangers turned around holding their individual weapons as the Tyrannodrones exploded into a huge fireball.

Deadpool clapped and cheered. "That was fucking awesome! Nice pose you did behind the explosion! I feel like if you combined your weapons from the start, the fight would be already over. Also, I couldn't exactly tell how you formed your Z-Rex Blaster. You did it so fast! Did I see Connor's staff in two parts? One on the bottom; one on top? Is it voice activated? Or did you push a button or something to make it fire? And why did the sky turn black? Does it have something to do with the Morphing Grid? I remember that guy in the tube talked about the Morphing Grid, remember, TommyBoy?"

"Huh? How do you know about Zordon?"

"I've seen the first season. Well, parts of it… I don't remember it very much."

"I don't know what you're talking about but I see you figured out who I am nonetheless."

"Yep, and now you responded to TommyBoy, I'm gonna call you that from now on!"

Tommy sighed, and shook his head.

"What? What?"

"Youre something else."

"I know that. Am I on the team now?"

"Not this again," Kira muttered.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Not until you've proven yourself," Tommy replied.

"I have!"

"No, you haven't at all. I'm tired of talking to you about this."

"I will prove myself to you one day."

"And until that day comes, goodbye."

Once again, Deadpool walked off in the distance with his head down.

"I'm recalibrating your Zords; they should be faster in battle," Hayley said, working on the computer.

"Awesome! Thanks!" Connor replied, carefully kicking his soccer ball around the Command Center.

"No problem, I'm glad you told that guy he can't join us."

"Yes, unfortunately, he keeps coming back," Kira said.

"I heard."

"But, you installed that new security system," Connor said, looking at Tommy.

"Yeah, let's see him greet in now!"

The wall-door opened. "Guess who's back, motherfuckers!" Deadpool exclaimed, walking in the Command Center.

"Oh, no," Kira groaned.

"How did you get in here?" Tommy sighed.

"I figured out your password, Kimberly. Guess you still have a thing for her!"

"I told you that you can't join our team. Now, where's my car?!"

"I know that," Deadpool replied and looked at Hayley. "Hey, I remember you! You're the cashier who kicked me out of that restaurant."

"I'm the owner actually."

"And you know the Power Rangers?"

"Yes, I help create Ranger technology such as their weapons and Morphers."

"Cool plot twist, didn't see that one coming!"

"You said something about you watching our season," Kira said.

"OK, I amit I watched only the first episode where you and your friends got detention," he replied and gasped. "You broke the forth wall!"

"What are you talking ab-"

Deadpool picked her up and hugged her. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Put me down!" she exclaimed but he kept hugging.

"Deadpool, enough," Tommy commanded and he let her go. "Look, Deadpool, you can't join our team," Tommy said.

"Your mouth under your helmet says no but your heart says yes," Deadpool replied, making a heart with his hands.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Come on, you know you want Old Deadypie… OK, that sounded really stupid…"

"I've given you one chance and you didn't take it seriously. Where's my car?"

"Actually, I had two chances."

"Whatever, you continued to joke and not corporate with us. Now, where is my _car?"_

"WWZD."

"What?"

"What would Zordon do?"

"He'd do the same as me, not letting you on join us."

"FINE! I will join that Dinosaur person and destroy you!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yeah, I can. Besides, I'm an antihero. I'm already sorta on the villain spectrum. Not really, but, aw fuck it!"

"Mesogog doesn't care about anyone. He will only use you-"

"Blah, blah, blah, I've heard that speech thousands of times!"

"Deadpool, please don't do this!" Tommy pleaded.

"Oh, now, you care abiout me!"

"Yes- "

"See ya!" He stuck both middle fingers up as he walked to the door. It opened and he left the Command Center.

So, your pal, Deadpool is turning evil. What a crappy way to end the story, right? Oh, what's that? You want a sequel? Well, I gotta do other shit that does not involve freeloading off of Blind Al. There might be one. Until then, behave yourselves and don't do cocaine!

**TO BE CONTINUED?**


End file.
